Sunday, December 16, 2012

My First Love

Do you ever get tired of other people pushing certain buttons in your life that produce a negative response from you?  Have you ever found yourself thinking, “If they would just change, it would be so much easier to love them.  If they would stop being so negative, I would be much happier and at peace.  If they didn’t test my patience, I wouldn’t get so upset with them all the time.  If they would just listen better and get a clue, I wouldn’t react that way.  If they would be a little nicer to me, I wouldn’t be so harsh with them.  If my circumstances were different, life would be a lot more enjoyable.  If... If… If…”?  How many of you have waited for circumstances or someone else to change so that your life could be better?   How many of you have allowed your life to be controlled by emotions?

I’ve been in similar places myself and want to share what my journey has looked like as God has shown me how to overcome this.  As many of you know, I have a personal relationship with the Lord, but I haven’t always had this type of relationship in my life.  What I am going to share with you stems from discovering my true identity and living out of that place.  I’m sure many of you have heard the saying, “Be careful what you ask for…”  God is faithful to answer prayers, but you may find yourself going through a process that you don’t like or didn’t sign up for.  Sometimes God will use challenging situations in our lives to teach and test us.  When this happens, do you allow Him to be your source of strength or do you let your emotions get the best of you?  If you want more of His love, prepare to be tested.  If you want more of His patience, prepare to be tested.  You get the idea……  He is faithful to answer our prayers, not in the way we expected but in the way He had planned, but are you willing to let your flesh die so He can be made alive and reflect Himself through you?  All of us will come to that pivotal fork in the road where we have two choices: stay in control or surrender the reigns to God.  That’s not to say that you only have to choose once and then the rest of life is a piece of cake.  No, we wake up every morning with the choice of how we are going to live our life and who we are going to live it for.  That doesn’t mean our circumstances or the people around us will automatically change, but as you lay down your life for Him I know that your perspective will change.
For the past few years I have been asking the Lord to show me what HIS love really looks like – to take me deeper into His heart.  I’ve always known that God is a loving God, but I will openly admit that until recently I never fully understood what it meant to be personally loved by God and to love Him with all my heart, soul, mind and strength [Mark 12:30].  When I’d hear people talk about having an intimate relationship with the Lord, often times it made me feel uncomfortable because my understanding of intimacy was skewed.  We are all created with the desire to do good and to love, but until we fully receive the Father’s love we will always be incomplete.  I think of the line in the movie Jerry McGuire, “You complete me.”  I have encountered this kind of Father’s love in my life and it has completed me, but it did require me to let go of insecurities and go outside my comfort zone so my walls could come down.
God took my understanding of His love to a whole new level, and it all began when I did the “Love Dare” on my husband, Josh, back in 2010 for his 34th birthday.  I thought this would be a creative way to show Josh just how much I loved him, but little did I know that God had plans of His own.  God humbled me in areas where my heart had become hardened and I didn’t even realize it or was too prideful to admit.  I thought I understood His love until I encountered situations where the Holy Spirit brought conviction to my heart.  These verses have gone from my head to my heart and I have been forever changed by them and continue to ask the Lord to take me even deeper into His heart of love.  I want to know how high, how deep, how wide HIS love is.
In Matthew 5:44-48 Jesus says, “But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”
Through these verses the Lord showed me some “enemies” of mine that I was not responding to with His love.  Sure, they may have caused pain in my life, but God showed me that they still deserved His love.  He also showed me times where I wasn’t responding to my own husband and children with His love because I allowed them to be my source of love instead of allowing Him to be my source of love.  When we allow other things/people to be our source of love or happiness we will always be disappointed.  I love my husband and my children bring happiness into my life, but if those things were taken away does that mean my love and happiness would be taken away also?  No, because they are not my source of love, joy and peace – He is!  So, how did I reach this point…….?
How many of you have people in your life that you just can’t stand to be around sometimes and you wonder why they have to be a part of your life?  Don’t everyone answer all at once…..!  If we’re honest with ourselves, we’ve probably experienced someone like this at least once.  There has been someone in my life, not by my own choosing, that I’ve had to deal with and I would sometimes find myself thinking, “If only they didn’t exist” or “Why me God?”  It got to a point in my life where I was tired of allowing the way they treated me to trigger a negative reaction from me.  I asked the Lord to show me why this was happening and how I could stop being so reactive when so-and-so pushed my buttons.  When this person would treat me poorly, I would allow myself to get frazzled.  The Lord showed me that I had allowed the enemy to plant a seed of bitterness in my heart towards them because I didn’t feel they were deserving of love.  The more we try to hide from God, even though He already knows it all, the more vulnerable we become to opening a door for the enemy to attack us and hold us in bondage.  The greatest defense we can have against the enemy is to maintain an honest heart before God.  This person hurt my feelings and treated me poorly even though I had done nothing wrong, but all I wanted was to “stick it to this person”.  The Lord reminded me of the above verses in Matthew and how I am called to love my enemies and those who treat me poorly.  If I hate my brother but say “I love God” I am a liar.  [1 John 4:18-21If you say “I love you God” but don’t trust Him, do you really love Him?  I thought I was carrying God’s love with me because I loved my family, friends, etc. and did good deeds, and yet the Holy Spirit revealed to me in the most gentle way that I was not loving the people He has called me to love – which is EVERYONE – including those that don’t love me back or treat me very kindly.  He also showed me that I didn’t fully love and trust Him.  Wow Lord, what do I do with that?  His answer, “Allow me to be your first love.”  He doesn’t ask us to be a doormat for people to abuse us, and we have to know how to set healthy boundaries, but if you want to learn what His love looks like and to be a carrier of it, you must allow Him to be your first love because He is love and without His love we gain nothing [1 Corinthians 13:3].  When you love Him above all else, yes even your spouse, parents, children, family [Matthew 10:37-39], His love will naturally flow through you and out of you as you continue to remain in Him.  John 15:5 – “I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."  It is this kind of love that will change the world.  It is this kind of love that will be a light for people in a very dark world.  It is this kind of love that keeps you from being offended and prompts you to quickly forgive others.  Why this kind of love?  Because it is coupled with the power of Jesus!  When you choose to respond with His love, the power comes.  When you choose not to respond with His love, your peace and joy can be stolen because you are distancing yourself from Him.  Remember that He never leaves us, but sometimes we choose to leave Him or distance ourselves from Him.  It is always your choice!  How deep do you want to go with Him?
The person I referenced in my example didn’t have to enter my life in order for God to show me His love, but He used this situation for good in my life because I love Him and asked Him to.  Sometimes we go through things in life or make choices that are not part of His plan.  Just like in the beginning with Adam and Eve, it wasn’t part of God’s plan for them to sin and disobey Him by partaking of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.  He gave them freewill.  They had a choice.  The enemy deceived them by making their choice appear to be good even though it went against what God told them.  The enemy is really good at bringing about doubt, fear, confusion and division.  Adam and Eve chose to reject God’s command by disobeying, but God knew this was going to happen and He had a plan to redeem them and restore their relationship with Him.  Romans 8:28 states that He works all things together for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purposes.
When I am connected to the vine (Jesus) my circumstances and emotions don’t rule my life.  Yes, He gave us emotions: anger, sadness, etc., but He doesn’t want us to stay there and live out of a place of emotions otherwise they start to become the driving force in our lives.  I thank God for showing me how to allow His Word to become alive in my heart.  I trust the Lord and love Him above all else.  Although I may falter at times and definitely don’t have all the answers, He is first in my life and I would have it no other way.  If you’ve never experienced the love of the Father in a personal way, ask Him for it!  If you want your roots to be planted in Him because you are tired of the cycle you’ve been going through, receive Him now and enjoy the ride!

Saturday, December 15, 2012

Open Doors


A desire and passion to write has really sprung forth in me, and I’m thankful for the opportunity to share in writing what has been going on in our lives.  It’s been over 2 months since my last post, but I hope to write more frequently as the Lord places things on my heart to share.
 
For the past few months Josh has been applying for one job after the other.  We came back from Africa knowing that we did not want to come back to going through the motions of life.  The Lord made it very clear that Josh was not to settle for just any job because He had the perfect plan for him and our family.  We released our dreams to God and shared with Him our desires for our family.  Our heart has been that Josh would get a job where he can positively impact others and pour out God’s love openly and freely.  We have consistently prayed that God would continue to close doors that He didn’t want us walking through.  It’s so easy to try and force doors to open, and sometimes we walk through doors that appear to be good but get us a little off track.  However, God has given us a vision for our lives and we are excited to live out our dreams with Him and do whatever He asks of us!

Payment for coaching football and teaching a student from George Fox University recently ended, which left us with our only source of income – unemployment – scheduled to end in February.  Although we have been completely at peace with our circumstances, we couldn’t help but wonder just exactly what the Lord was up to.  There has been an excitement in our spirits for what is/was to come!  Then on December 7th Josh was offered and accepted a position as Program Coordinator for the Salvation Army.  He will be working at the family crisis shelter, and it is the perfect opportunity for him to share the love of God with those that may be struggling to see The Light at the end of the tunnel.  Although the pay is a substantial decrease from his teaching salary, the Lord made it clear that we should not let money be the deciding factor for rejecting the job.  We trust the Lord with all of our heart and are choosing not to lean on our own understanding [Proverbs 3:5].  It’s a choice that we must make daily.  We must choose to stay connected to the vine (Jesus) in order for Him to produce fruit in us – His love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.  All fruitfulness comes out of a place of intimacy, and we love going deeper with our Father every day simply because we love Him above all else!  For the past few years God has placed our family in many circumstances that really put our faith and trust in Him to the test.  Through it all He has shown us how to live a life of freedom and authentic faith, willing to take risks, instead of living out of a place of fear or “what-ifs”.  He has replaced our fears with a personal touch of His love [1 John 4:18].  Instead of putting our trust and dependence in ourselves and man, we have turned to fully trusting in Him with all areas of our lives [Psalm 118:8].  He is our source for everything!

When Josh was asked not to return to Initial Point High School this year, we took this to the Lord and asked Him to provide a way for us to continue pouring into these kids’ lives because they held a special place in our hearts and His.  We’ve been asking Him for the youth/teens in this area, and He has honored and responded to our hearts.  We’ve been given the opportunity to hold a class in our home called “Unjerkness 101”.  The point of the class is how to live a selfless life in a selfish world.  It has been an amazing time connecting with everyone that has come and we honor and praise Him for the transformation that is happening in the lives of others.  All for His glory!!

One thing that was prophesied over us while in Africa was this: “It won’t be one or the other but both and more.”  He has opened two (both) amazing doors for us and we know that more is coming!!  A question that God has put on my heart for all to ponder is this – do you trust God OR do you simply believe God?  If you don’t know the difference, ask Him to show you and He will [Matthew 7:7]!

Love, peace and joy to all of you!!